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Lora Sue ♥

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Another day, another hour [18 Nov 2010|12:58pm]
 Sitting at school is mildly draining. I have until 2:30 for my next test. I am nervous because I suck at these certain core classes. There is a reason why I don't plan on being a math or history teacher, the topics don't interest me. 
Last night at work went well. I cooked, thankfully because I didn't feel like being nice to people at the time and we were rather busy. I got out at 12 which was nice, but we ended up going in early because our manager left early and the other girl got busy. 
Life lately has been up and down. I can't seem to control my emotions this week. I went from crying a little bit yesterday to all of a sudden not. I don't know what it is that is going on through my head but it hasn't been this bad in a while. I can't tell if it is the stress of doing well in school plus being nervous about liking someone new. It is weird and hard and uncontrollable sometimes. Like I am tired from struggling between the two. I wish I had someone to talk to about this, but I am sick of annoying people with my problems/my stresses. And what really would they be able to do for me? Tell me everything is okay? HA! I am flat out crazy flat out crazy and I know it. It won't ever go away because I am always trying to be the strong one who controls it on my own. It isn't easy and sometimes I wonder if people realize that. Am I going into the right profession if I can't even control my emotions, how am I to expect someone else to do so? I don't want to medicate my patients, but sometimes it just feels easier, god damn it seems easier. 
There has to be a way, or a stronger person than me to prove me wrong. Can someone stay strong for so long? Doesn't this take a toll on our bodies? Because there are appropriate and inappropriate times to show our emotions and with this i always show them at the wrong times. I show no emotion when I should and I show emotion when I possibly shouldn't. Does anyone else who is sane go through this?

Music I have learned helps keep me calm. I can lose myself in the beat and find myself forgetting there is any words in the first place. Sometimes if I have heard a song enough I won't even listen to the words anymore, it all becomes a tune, noise in the background of my head adding a beat to my life. I think the reason my heart is getting worse is because all of this stress on controlling my emotions and myself. I for see my having a heart attack by the age of 30 sometimes. This sounds cynical and I know it does, but it feels that way.

So my aunt is getting married Aug 20, 2011. I was asked to be a bridesmaid, I am really excited because I was surprised she even asked me in the first place. I have only been in one other wedding, I hope to flatten my stomach before then, and hopefully have a date to go with me. If not I guess I can always just hang out with the family and enjoy their company, (ha ha)
YOU'RE DEAD...♥

It feels as if the world has turned. [16 Nov 2010|12:14pm]

 Everyday is a roller coaster ride for me, and it is annoying. I spend one moment happy about everything and pumped, and the next on the verge of tears. Things affect us more than we think, and the more we let them the more they have a dominant hold on us. Right now I am letting it do that, and it bothers me. I use to be able to control this but as time goes on I worry, I slip and I stress about it. I don't want other people to make me happy, I want to be able to make myself happy. I am glad no one uses this anymore because I want to be able to start writing in this again, and no one will know. It feels like a lot has changed. I am growing up, realizing that soon (a year and a half to be exact) that I will have to be deciding on what I want to do. I want to join the Peace Corp, but if I am seeing someone that I truly like I don't really know if I will. I said to the last guy that I was leaving either way, but I kind of wonder if I would actually do so if I found someone who I actually can see myself with. This is the dilemma I run into, and the reason as to why I was unsure about dating in the first place, but I can't just tie myself off of relationships in general. I should give someone a chance if they really want to try.. I just now wonder if that is a good idea. We always question and over analyze everything don't we? Or is that just me? Hell if I know. 

YOU'RE DEAD...♥

It has been too long. [01 Nov 2010|03:25pm]
 I have spent my days looking for a way to let out the emotion that builds inside me, but writing on a facebook or in a journal just isn't the same. You can't go through life bottling everything up inside, but most of us do. I have a niece now, I am an aunt. I go to school full time and only have a year and a half left and am still single 3 1/2 years later. 
Is there something wrong with me or do I look too hard and fall for the wrong ones? I honestly am not sure, I don't feel guided anymore. I just feel like an asshole who pretends to be emotionless because it hurts less. The hardest part is that being emotion less, or heartless or cold, is becoming more and more easy to do. I don't have to pretend to be nice anymore at work so I don't feel stressed to be nice, but is that a problem? 
I should be able to cry, but I literally can only shed a few tears til I feel stupid and stop. It seems like life has a funny way of making you feel like a reject and at the same time not. 
I want something so bad, I want something to change. I want to have my career, I want to move, I want to be loved. I honestly sometimes feel like I don't care what happens as long as I can find true love, like love that I can feel in my heart is real. I know I should date around, but I have never been that type, I believe in the true love that you find, and that you know you have found it. I want it, I crave it. After all the shittyness in my life, I feel like I deserve it. Where is it? I have stopped looking, but some days I wonder. 
And that is all I got.
Got to keep living, loving and moving on.. after all these years that is what I have learned from all of this. If I don't keep living, I won't have a reason to keep on moving, and if I don't do either I won't have a reason to love life. Otherwise what was the purpose of all of this?
YOU'RE DEAD...♥

I don't [25 Jan 2010|02:14am]
I don't spend waking moments wondering anymore
I don't spend my time worrying either
I haven't cried for myself in months, I have however cried for others
I don't look at things negatively anymore
I haven't felt the need to write my sad poetry
I haven't acted like the old me in years
Thank you live journal for being there to provide an outlet for the times I needed it the most

Life throws you curve balls
and I have finally learned to lean.
YOU'RE DEAD...♥

Getting Older [10 Oct 2009|11:32pm]
Livejournal, What happened to you? I guess now that we have Facebook, Myspace and Twitter you have been rendered useless. I was reading through this last night and realized I have come along way.

It is almost as if growing up entailed all the hardships. I lost people along the way, but now I am better person with the best of friends and yet I still feel alone. I don't know if it is because I am still not use to being single, or if it is because when I am not working and attending classes I find myself at home.

My birthday is in 1 week. I am pumped because I get to spend it with the best people, but at the same time it's like fuck, what am I doing/have been doing with my life?

I am learning to appreciate the small things in life, and so far it is working.
YOU'RE DEAD...♥

A Pain I Can't Describe [02 Jun 2008|10:57pm]
When you take away everything you cared for and watch it all fall away you realize how much of yourself you don't know anymore. When i wake up in the morning i realize how much of my life i have just given away. I let go of the one person who believed in me because i needed to be selfish and now i realize i have been way to selfish and I'm sorry for that. I'm young and for some reason everything seems to make my body ache. I'm constantly tired and even my dreams make it hard to sleep. I'm suppose to be happy but what is wrong with this picture?

Congratulations to everyone who graduated tonight or will be graduating this week.... i remember graduation, full of hope and dreams for the rest of my life. I found a college in California that i want to go to so hopefully i can leave this dreadful place and start something new, basically start the rest of my life. I will be going too for all you people who don't believe in me..... just watch.

just watch
just watch........


yeah
2 BANG BANG BANG Image hosted by Photobucket.comYOU'RE DEAD...♥

I gues the art is all you seem to know [20 Nov 2007|12:19am]
[ mood | cold ]

*-It’s like every waking moment
I can still hear your heart scream
You’re letting go of your demons
And growing into your form
You’re taking on a woman
When in reality you were barely a child
I can see you pressing down your suit
As you start your first job
Have you forgiven your past?
Or has the years caught up with you
And its time you have grown up to?
Do you still choke on all your words?
Are you still afraid?
For your demons still make your heart scream
And when you walk you crumble
You’re uneven in the way you act
You’re awkward and everyone has finally forgiven that
Your heart will stop screaming, when your demons are laid to rest
Can you forgive them for fighting back?-*

i need to write more...
comments on what you think would be nice
should i stop trying to write again? Or should i keep pushing my mind...

Please be honest because i need to either A) Stop writing and nip it in the butt now or B) contunie so i can at least have a strong ideal of something i can be potentially good at if i work on it again..

YOU'RE DEAD...♥

[18 Oct 2007|12:04am]
oh livejournal please come back to life

i wish i could write like i use to..... i need to do that more..


lovelovelove

Oh and happy late birthday to me.. haha
YOU'RE DEAD...♥

The breeze feels like fall [19 Sep 2007|12:59am]
[ mood | creative ]

The chilling unawareness of our lives to this point is nerve wrecking. The pain in becoming whom we are destined to be is blistering. We are holding back so much more potential than whats being shown. Our generation is failing. We spend too much time staring at the decimal points that we have forgotten the point of living wealthy: Happiness, Passion, Creativity.

Isn't it time to reevaulte ourselves? Take a second, Step back, Pull your head out of your ass and think. How does your career choice really make you feel? Are you happy with yourself? Do you have faith enough to move on? Or are you only there because your buddies from High School all reside there and well, that is true happiness right? Those memories of High School past.

The people whom are really going somewhere are the people who take that extra effort to leave everything they knew and everyone they loved behind so they can really persue what makes them feel complete. What really peaks their interest. The ones who are willing to give themselves the challenge and adventure that life holds. Those people you rarely can find but do and wonder what if.

Yes going to a community college can be a good idea for people like me whom are too insecure and unsure of what they really want to do. Me being the one who has NO idea and is afriad to waste the money on a University to find out. But most people surprisignly know what they want to do because they know what they excell best at and to those people.. Im jealous.

I refuse though to allow myself thoughs to be drowned in normal Muskegon tradition: Stay at community forever, climb the ladder at work, and be stuck in this boring little town forever. Like generations past.. it never fails. I refuse to be another number. Even without knowing what my future holds i do know my name is going somewhere. You can't stay in one town the rest of this dull life. I believe happiness is getting out there, testing yourself and keeping your memories just as they are.. memories left in a small town.

My friends on the other hand. Wherever they may go.. they will never just be a memory. Your true friends will push you. They will let you know its okay to leave this lonely, little town and reach for that dream. And that is exactly what i will tell my friends.. Go, Leave, Get the hell out of here and keep in touch.

Fuck
Stop holding back and get the hell out of here.

Needed a rant.. for no reason i dont even know.. Felt like ranting.

I plan not to keep writing the same song.. I plan to make a whole new song with a different chorus, another beat and it will be added to the next chapter in life. I will be heard.

It's defiantetly becoming fall.. same season, same town.. different outlook.

Goodnight.<3

YOU'RE DEAD...♥

Bringing in the season with Style [24 Sep 2006|10:17pm]
"The leaves will fall
And so will you
When you do, bury me under them too
Seconds pass; we’ll make it through
Eventually we all go home
It won’t be long
It won’t be long

We walk along the wire tied between horizons
You close your eyes like it’s nothing at all
Throughout the rise and fall, everything, everything
Changes, I will be here when you die

It won’t be long
It won’t be long
Until we find our way home

Did you hear the trumpets play the day your father died?
Did a violin swell those circles under your eyes?
Did you play the part straight, like a marcher?
Get lost in the beat, thinking and feeling
Did the drums in the streets make the people dance?
Or fall to their knees as the sound?
Knock the leaves from the trees
As they fall from the branch, the look beautiful
As they hung in the air

Spinning around
Did you float in the air?
Spinning around

There must be somewhere that cigarettes burn through the night
And the leaves don’t abandon their trees to the light
Where the skies always clear
And the summer never ends

Won’t you take me there?

The leaves will fall
So will you
When you do, bury me
Under them too
Seconds pass; we’ll make it through

Eventually we all are going home"

Favorite song at the moment.. it's perfect for how life should be viewed... things we think.. things we see.. things that are true about this world and going into the next.. we dont know we never will.. stop wondering.. live this life.. dont regret.. forget, i have forgiven i have said things i didnt mean and we all make mistakes but is it really a good point to go through the rest of your life holding grudges.. stop. Go past that. Begin anew. 

As a senior.. im ready. im excited. but most of all.. im scared as hell for the future...

kbye

&hearts; I love you Chris<3

23 more days til my birthday.. SWEET
YOU'RE DEAD...♥

DO THE HUSSLE! [26 Aug 2006|01:26am]
[ mood | me0w ]

Here is my schedule for school.. 1st semester and 2nd!! Let me know if we have anything together.

1st Semester

1- Broadcast sp.2 --Droski
2- Broadcast sp.3 (Independent Study) --Droski
3- Cont. Lit --Bradshaw
4- Student Assistant --Droski
5- Astronomy --Doane
6- Psychology -- Hall

2nd Semester

1- Broadcast sp.2 --Droski
2- Broadcast sp. 3 (Independent Study) --Droski
3- Sen. Bus. Tech --Wilson
4- Culinary Arts --Gyzm?
5- Student Assistant --Droski
6- Creative Writing --Hall

yeah so let me know if you any sweet kids have any classes with me! or something.. my 4th hour 2nd semester MIGHT be changed to 3rd hour.. not sure.. depends if Mr. Morgan want to be nice! haha

&hearts; Love ya all! 

DO THE HUSSLE! ooooyaaa

Oh, and.................................................... HI

Rock the boat, dont rock the boat baby.. ROCK THE BOAT

YOU'RE DEAD...♥

In diffculty we see desire [11 Aug 2006|03:20pm]
So new job at Deb, i dont work at Dollar Tree anymore.. i think they close this week or next. But the ones on Henry and Sherman will still be there. I've been working alot, and just either hanging out with myself or seeing Chris. I dont see people much and that is sometimes my fault. I hung out with Kaleigh the other day.  I've fucked up alot of my friendships, to where im sure in their eyes i shouldnt even bother to fix. I said something i regret and i said it out of stupidity. We all make mistakes and if there really is forgiveness, i ask for yours. 

I can't undo things i've said, and the thing is, we all learned from our mistakes. I'd say i'd build a time machine and change it, but if that could truly happen, i wouldn't. Because therefore i wouldn't have learned anything and that's the point of this all most the time. We learn, grow older, and lose the things/people we loved the most. 

I haven't written in livejournal in forever. Livejournal became old, myspace took over, but it seems in myspace, all id do is write a bulletin.. and that'd be it, i never knew if people read them, just like i dont know if people will read this. I've thought about making a new livejournal and never telling anyone about it, the name or anything, but i know someone would find it, and it'd be pointless... I spent most of my summer it seems working and getting to know myself better... and i guess thats how my last summer of high school will end. 

I went to the high school we got new lockers.. and our smart carts.. it made the reality of school starting soon even closer. Last year of high school... makes life exciting.. kind of. Senior pictures, walking down to get our dipolma... i dont know if ill cry or if ill jump for joy. I always have a dream where im making a speech to our senior class, which i know i will never speak because they usaully pick the good grade people... but i think it'd be cool... ive thought about what i would say.. eh life.

I'm going to put this pointless post to an end now... i would really like to see some of you before we go back. Get ahold of me, you all know how in some way or another 

I love you Chris <3

i also want to go to the Zoo and Cracker barrel before summer ends.. anyone up for it? eh eh?
4 BANG BANG BANG Image hosted by Photobucket.comYOU'RE DEAD...♥

[10 Jun 2006|12:23am]
I can feel certain things i once loved having around fade. I can see my friends in the distance go away. I want to get away from here, but there is a part of me that knows i need to stay. I don't want to spend my Summer sitting at home. If you don't want to hang out with me or be my friend this summer. Then leave a comment now telling me so i dont have to go hoping you'd IM me or Call me to hang out. I'll spend my time alone and with Chris. If you decide you dont want to hang out with me or see that for me it'd be useless to ask to hang out with you, like i said leave a comment.. and don't expect me during the school year to talk or anything with you. I'm sorry if i'm emo and depressed at times, but there are things in my life that i wish you'd understand STILL hurt me, i won't bother telling any of you because i don't think you'd honestly care sometimes. I'm sorry to offend people or depress people or make you all think im a dumb loser who doesnt make an effort, but im sorry i feel like sometimes you'd rather not have me around and if you do want to fucking hang out.. comment and let me know, the reason i never call is because im not sure if any of you really do want to have me around, seeing how i never know about anything usaully going on. and yes i DO have free time. Damn.

So comment if you'd like to spend time with me, and comment if you haev no intention. be honest.
3 BANG BANG BANG Image hosted by Photobucket.comYOU'RE DEAD...♥

Think [05 Jun 2006|09:39pm]
I see it now, I'm the outsider looking in. I know my place, and here is where i stand. You are always in your mind the outsider looking in. You never feel in place, or right where you belong, and i know a lot of people have this mind set.

You've to go through the hardest things to learn that trust isn't just a issue.. but the hardest thing to know. You dont know who to trust, you might not even know who to turn to anymore. A lot of people tell you that you can trust them, but you always just laugh it off, thinking you have your close friends to tell things to. But are they really able to keep a secret too? I could have a secret of a lifetime that no one will ever really know. But i may not.

Who can you run to? who can you really call your best friend? think about it. Who is the one who's never told a soul your secrets? who is the one you hasnt talked crap about you? Who is the one who sticks up for you when you're not around to fight for yourself? Stop. Think. we are going into summer '06 do you know who you're going in friends with? Do you have any clue who will make it out with you? Honestly. Think about it. This year we have all dramatically changed. Do you know who you are? Do you know who you want to be? We're growing up, getting older, wiser.. and can any of you say that you have matured? Really.. do you know what hard things are up ahead? What lies in our paths.

This summer is our last summer before we graduate. Will secrets be opened? Will pain finally be sealed? Will our new lives together finally be opened? Or is this the final finish in the race towards the end of our high school years and on knowing we may not be together anymore. Our group which has grown from 6 to a million. Can we make it?

Think about it... think about the life you lead right now... can you honestly say you know the girls who are your friends, or the guys who are your friends.. have you told every secret to the ones who you think can hold it? I know i havent, and i probably never will.

I'll be cranky tommorow.. dont ask why.. just will.
2 BANG BANG BANG Image hosted by Photobucket.comYOU'RE DEAD...♥

Look into something Important=Life [01 Jun 2006|10:36pm]
I see the demon inside my skin
It’s screaming to be released from my uncoordinated body
I stare into the mirror wondering what I want more
A life without promises
Or a death dropping all my plans
My body shakes in the anger stricken ways
Can you see me breaking inside?
I plead to be normal
To be believed in
And I know none of these apply in my undeserving body
I deserve to be hated
I deserve to be mistrusted
I deserve to live a life in sorrows with only two things to keep me going
Do you see my day by day?
I’m ruining my life every step of the way.

Don’t believe in the things you think are real because things in your life unexpectly happen. My life has been broken down and unable to fix for so long, Only two people and their families can actually make me believe the opposite. I still believe in a fairy tale ending. I still believe in marrying the one you love as a High School and living happily ever after. With the good comes bad and with the bad comes something better. I’ve never had an in-between… I either get the good or the horrible.

It’s hard to seize dreams when all the ones you have get shot down or messed up. I’ll admit my dream to be with Chris came true my dream to have someone who can show me that not all girls are the same and that I can actually trust one of them was found in Sami, but when I everything else just was never promised to me. I guess I live a sad little life hoping things will be perfect, hoping I could have my mom around, and actually want to hang out with me, and have that dad that actually could put things aside and see that I’m trying, see that I’m not my brothers, I try REALLY hard in school and I REALLY like my job. I wouldn’t do ANYTHING to fuck up this time. I wish someone would just believe that, but I guess it’s not worth believing. I guess fucking up runs in my blood.

And how I look at it, life goes on, with or without me.

Just remember in life, you can’t always expect good in all, you have to learn to deal with the things thrown at you, grieve for that moment in time, lift your head up and move on. I can honestly say it’s hard, but I’ve done it for so long. Don’t pretend with yourself, or anyone else. Be who you are, because that’s all you’ll ever need to be. Someone out in the world knows you’re worth it, so believe it, because the more you dwell the longer you’ll ever wait for that life you once wished upon a star with.

Keep your chin up
Your eyes on the prize
And your mind working forward
No more going backwords.
YOU'RE DEAD...♥

Wow. [31 May 2006|04:33pm]
Yep. i dont know what to say.
My heart has been hurting the past two days.
I feel like crap.
And i feel like not alot of people care.
Thanks.
I don't talk because i dont want to say something i will regret.
If i dont talk much, im sorry.
But honestly i feel left out lately.
Maybe i really am a bad friend.
Sigh.
WTF is wrong with me?
Am i really that annoying/stupid/ugly/worthless?
k time to stop being emo.
Bye.
Comment if you want.
I love you Chris.
2 BANG BANG BANG Image hosted by Photobucket.comYOU'RE DEAD...♥

If you're looking for a hug, you have come to the right place. [27 May 2006|01:44pm]
[ mood | determined ]

I haven't updated in forever
Probably because of my lack of thoughtfulness towards certain things
I think alot, but dont bother to write them down, I've been working and keeping myself occupied with the boyfriend and sami.
I watched all the seniors check out, quite saddening, but im excited for next year, im excited because i know i wont cry, ill be happy to leave and pursue whatever, i dont even know what i want to do. Does anyone have any ideas of what i'd be good at?

I was sitting outside in my backyard today, starring up into the sky, watching clouds and enjoying the weather, i thought about life, and it's many meanings, and how when someone is out in nature, they aren't the people you see in schools.. or work.. they are unique.. we all are. It seems like once you step outside there is a whole new meaning to life away from the electronics, and television. I've always loved being outdoors, when i was younger i was ALWAYS outside, and if Beka Bolema didn't have me get an IM screen name i'd probably always be outside being a tomboy. I still feel the urges to go down to Lake Harbor and just wonder through the woods. I would go, but the drive is to far away, thats what i hate about living here. sigh.

I was looking at myself in the mirror today too. While getting ready... i noticed im not the same strong person i thought i was. I noticed lately that all of us seem a little weaker and tender these days, like something in our souls arent right. This time last year your souls seemed more welcoming, and less stressed. Maybe it's because of our dramatic changes and lost of the other souls we once held on to? Or maybe it's just me who feels out of place, out of the loop. I look into the eyes of the girls and guys i am friends with and see a yearning in all of you, maybe a hope of this summer to come as soon as possible so we can all let free, or maybe a part of us all has gone and left itself somewhere. I know alot of you are wishing for a perfect summer, and in a way all summers are perfect.

I know im wishing upon alot of things, and pushing myself to get over alot of things, and it stresses me out because i need to be strong at the same time. I dont want to keep hurting people with my random breakdowns and not talking cold hearted sprees. I'm so use to looking around and finding a comfort zone, but sometimes when you're all alone, listening to the variety of music you choose.. you realize that there is nothing called a comfort zone.. it's your rountine. You look forward to it because it's always the same to you.. it all goes the same way, and when it finally doesn't.. that routine is ruined.

In the way of life, you will never have the same things as you did before, you will always be changing, switching roles, fighting, crying, losing, becoming the monster yuo once hated, but now cant do a damn thing about it, and within that all you'll always have someone you either once knew, or always talk to.. who you know is that one person who waits for someone to come to them, to speak their mind.. who is dealing with alot.. but never tells a soul.. tells someone.. but no one else.. who would rather sit with you and show you that there is a hope.. and never sharing a single secret they had, not because they dont want to.. but because they dont know how.. can't put it into words.. and to tell you all the truth.. i feel likle that person.. i am that person.. im willing to listen to you all.. i can keep a million secrets.. trust me.. ive kept so many of myself that i can't begin.. and i wont..truly, i have told people this a MILLION times, but honestly.. im serious. I sit and look at you all... knowing you all have a secret just waiting to burst out of your mouths.. and you all look to someone. i just want you all to know.. ive always been there. even if i dont know you.

My heart hurts, it's kind of painful.. it kind of sucks.. ha. But yeah.. this is me trying to write:

A trickle rolls down my cheek
Looking into those beautful brown eyes
I see a future i've wanted all along
I see a soul i couldn't live without
Have you found your place in this lonely little town?
I can feel the warmth of nature
Bringing in feelings of leftovers all around
I've never seen such a broken hearted little town
Full of lost hopes
Have you forgotten your path all along?
I can see this bottle going down
All alone we are such suckers
For a broken heart is what you have all bottled up?
Afriad of your past
Your promises will be lost
In this lonely broken little town

i dont know.. something i wrote.. haha
Bye guys!
probably another century before i update again

I Love You Chris
And everyone else!


ps-maybe some love in a comment? please? its all i can ask for.

6 BANG BANG BANG Image hosted by Photobucket.comYOU'RE DEAD...♥

To a special man [14 May 2006|12:28am]

Happy 20th Birthday Baby



I LOVE YOUUUUUU
and
I HOPE YOU LIKE YOUR PRESENTS TOMMOROW
MUAH YOU'RE ABSOULETY AMAZING!

=D

yay for holly's wedding
yay for chris' birthday and me spending it with him tommorow
yay for being in love
yay for having wonderful friends
yay for being very tired and falling asleep at my computer
YAY
2 BANG BANG BANG Image hosted by Photobucket.comYOU'RE DEAD...♥

[05 May 2006|05:37pm]
I haven't updated my livejournal in forever!
WOW i forgot about this thing.

So basically today i've been thinking and staring at my computer alot.. and i feel as if i look at people.. and feel like they hate me. I don't know why i feel this way.. but i do know i hate this feeling inside of me. Basically i hate the week before my period.

I look to people in hope i can trust them.. but then realize.. in the many people i know.. i cant. i feel bad.. but there is only a select few people i trust with my deepest darkest secrets.. and those people know who they are.

I feel this way because most of you show me you dont really care most the time.. you yell at me for seeing Chris too much.. and really i do.. because you make it hard for me to want to spend time with people who contradict themselves and show me that they cant be trusted.. the people i USE to think i could trust with things.. and it hurts when im proved i cant, really.. thats why i dont come around much.. or say much to anyone.. no one realyl seems to notice anyways.. because they dont bother to talk to me.

But yeah, im sick of writing, and i have precramps.. so im going to go stare at my computer some more and wait for Chris to call

Have a nice Weekend, i know i will

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROTHER FACE

thats right, i laugh in your general direction.. 

o have you grown so much

have a perfect birthday =D

8 BANG BANG BANG Image hosted by Photobucket.comYOU'RE DEAD...♥

OMG [19 Apr 2006|10:41pm]
here's a few random facts:

1. I love scars, and when i get a cut i pick the scab. hence why i didnt get my nose stitched/peeled all the glue off my head.. hehe
2. I dont know what my career will be, and honestly i'm scared bc everyone else knows
3. I do ballerina moves and stuff in my kitchen when im cooking food for myself.. alone
4. I have a head full of secrets that only a fewpeople know about.. the main ones
5. I miss climbing trees, running and having a place like my moms to be a tomboy
6. My house is haunted, i've heard voices, and it scares the shit out of me, because i've seen em
7. Honestly, i only have a few true friends.

I TAG
CHRIS
SAMI
AMANDA
MATTACHU
&
KACEY

ps

I GOT A JOB

8 BANG BANG BANG Image hosted by Photobucket.comYOU'RE DEAD...♥

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